My Friend Constantly Wants to Talk About Herself: Is It Time to End the Friendship?

We've been close companions with a woman, who has faced and conquered many hardships, which I admire. However, she's often blindsided in relationships. Her husband ended their marriage, which came as an unexpected event. Several of her social circle vanished then, because they seemed only interested in him. This surprised her deeply. She made increased attention toward our bond, and must have understood better the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

Over the years, several of her friends have disappeared and she isn't sure why. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she was very skilled at her work, her exit happened not understanding what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we've both left the workforce and are seeing each other more, yet I realize the part I play between us feels one-sided. I open topics of conversation but she shifts them to her own topics. In terms of politics, she has unyielding views. My effort is to recommend factchecking or other angles.

She has been planning a holiday abroad I've visited many times and lived in for some time. I tried to provide insights, however, my input unappreciated. She essentially just desired my agreement with her plans. I have come back from a month in that place she is eager to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling to act as a friend who cuts and runs abruptly, however, I feel she can comprehend the effect of her behaviour on my confidence. Currently, my state is distancing myself. What should I do?

Ways Forward

It's possible to end things abruptly, yet this is rarely a smooth outcome we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of working things out demands strength and willingness from both people.

Therapists recommend using a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step requires explaining how things go during your discussions. It should be objective and clear and basically an unbiased account. Next involves sharing how this leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no dispute about this. What you feel are valid, naturally. The third step is to ask ways you together can shift the pattern between you."

Keep in mind that she also has her own side, thus requiring you to stay open to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is telling her:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to not say anything for half an hour."

Closing Considerations

Your friend could ignore all you say, for those who hold onto a “survival narrative”: they have a version regarding their experiences they're unable to let go of as it feels essential depends upon it and it represents they trust. This poses a challenge when there seems no clear path with these people, mere obstacles. However, she might initially present like this then consider on your words. And should you don't achieve a fix, it provides satisfaction from having been honest with her.